Not every hot, heavy make out session ends with sex. Maybe you aren’t ready for a home run with this guy, or you’ve gotta work early in the morning, or you’re stuck in one of those awkward moments where you have to call things off because neither of you has a condom. Plus, leaving things unfinished can be super-hot. Unless, of course, you’re the guy with blue balls who has to limp home with sore junk.
To be clear, blue balls is a real thing. Sure, it’s been used by douchebag guys to coerce women into sex they weren’t sure they wanted to have, but extreme sexual arousal without sexual release can result in pressure and pain. It’s called epididymal hypertension, and it happens when blood flows into the penis and scrotum, causing engorgement. This pressure builds until it is released during ejaculation – or it isn’t, resulting in the pain we refer to as blue balls.
Oh, and just for the record, blue balls don’t actually result in, well, blue balls. If you see this symptom, get that dude to the ER, ASAP.
Now, despite what some guys facing this uncomfortable situation might tell you, what’s happening with your dude’s junk is not your problem, nor is providing the sexual release and ejaculation that is often the best and most immediate cure for this condition. What to do? Here are six sure-fire cures that have nothing to do with you.
Read: 10 Things You Don’t Know About Penises
Yes, people, it is possible to be horny and uncomfortable and to just, well, move right along with your day. According to experts, the pain of blue balls is harmless and without side effects. It might also help you to know that there’s virtually no medical literature around blue balls, besides one case of a 14-year-old who was so uncomfortable after fooling around with his girlfriend that he ended up in the ER. Frisky 14-year-olds aside, we can expect most grown-ass men to be able to hold their shit together and just wait it out, if need be; as arousal goes away, the pain and pressure from blue balls will subside all on its own.
It isn’t as good as getting off, but doing some hard manual labor (no, not that kind!) will help your guy blow off some steam and, according to one study, it actually works. Pushing or lifting something really heavy can help induce something called a Vasalva manoeuvre, which essentially flexes the same internal muscles as during a bowel movement. This can release the pressure on the testicles. And, hey, at least there will be grunting and sweating.
Anything that helps divert blood flow should help take the pressure off those swollen testicles. Hopping on the treadmill, pumping some iron, or doing a few push-ups can help get blood pumping to other parts of the body – and away from the penis.
Reducing arousal is a simple and easy way to divert blood flow from the genitals and provide some release for blue balls. Dirty thoughts (or actions) are what typically get a boner going; turning it upside down requires the opposite approach. Thinking of a family member, taxes, or trouble at work should help turn the corner into turnoff territory – and release the pressure.
If hot sex isn’t happening today, a cold shower or ice pack is a quick way to cool things down. Cold reduces swelling and therefore pressure and pain. It’s also a bit of a shock to the system, which can help get a guy out of the mood.
Hot sex with a consenting partner is the best. Sex of any kind with an unwilling partner is, well, sexual assault. You may be the cause of a guy’s boner, but you don’t have to provide a happy ending if you don’t want to. As soon as you say “no,” taking care of business becomes his own responsibility. The best, fastest and most effective cure for blue balls is to get off. So, don’t worry about it. He knows what to do.