I’m a no-nonsense kind of girl. I like my science mean and under control. I’m a clinician by training, a social worker, specifically. I’ve taken plenty of statistics courses and read up on all science, good and bad. So when I saw a Youtube video with Makeda Voletta encouraging me to put crystals in my pussy, I thought, no thanks mama, I’ll pass.
Then I read up on the subject. Weight training for your hoo-ha. It’s fucking fascinating.
Jade eggs, also known as yoni eggs, have been used for upwards of 2,000 years for strengthening the pelvic floor. Empresses, concubines, geishas, and Taoists were among the chosen few who practiced this ancient Chinese craft. It is said that Native American women also practiced this lost art with stone “eggs,” as did African women in their homeland.
For those of you who are into Kegels and Ben Wa balls (thank you 50 Shades of Grey) – this is a similar way to skin the ol’ cat, as it were, just slightly more natural. When you go au naturel by using crystals instead of man-made weights for your pussy, you’re staying closer to Mother Earth – so that should satisfy the hippies among us. All of the mystical goddess types I know totally get off on using stone eggs as opposed to Ben Wa balls because they are wearing something that comes from the belly of the mother, so to speak. One might even conceive of crystals as being Mother Nature’s natural vibrators, if used in the correct context…We’ll get to that in a little bit.
But the original goal, once more, is weight training. You insert a small weight into your vagina for the purpose of strengthening the pelvic floor. When you weight train anything you increase its strength and sensitivity. When you weight train your pleasure center, you enhance your capacity for pleasure – at least that’s how this line of thinking goes. According to gynecologists who recommend similar exercises, you also increase vaginal elasticity and bladder control. Have I known a physician to recommend egg wearing? No. But I also haven’t known a physician to recommend the kind of S&M I like.
There are different weights and different types of stones you can choose from on your journey to rockin’ the perfect crystal. Most women choose a medium-sized egg to start out and frequently look to Rose Quartz, Jade or Adventurine. The smaller the egg, the harder it is to feel, so it is best to start out with something that has some size to it. You might also want an egg that is drilled as opposed to undrilled. All that means is that a friendly little stone mason drilled a hole in the egg so that you can attach a string for easy removal. Don’t fret about the stone getting stuck though – that’s anatomically impossible because of your cervix. With proper relaxation and a good healthy cough, that little fucker will pop on out nice and easy.
Depending upon the stone you select, you have a different frequency that corresponds to it. Different chakras align with different crystals, according to Reiki practitioners and generally cool people. I was using a lapis lazuli for a couple of weeks which corresponds to the third eye. I was walking down the floor of the psych wing at work, and this floridly psychotic man must have sensed my egg because he screamed: “She’s a hot one, that one, she’s a hot one!” I was wearing scrubs, I might add…and that lapis lazuli egg. But he caught on. I cracked up and promptly expelled my little egg on the floor of the psych wing.
It’s also quite fun to wear an egg while you’ve got a cock or dildo in you to enhance your sexual pleasure. There’s something mystical that happens when you’ve got cock and rock inside you. I can’t really make sense of it. Let’s just say it’s an experience to be had. From a pure anatomical perspective, having something inside you that is tumbling around while you’re doing the deed – it’s wild. It creates friction. It’s fun.
So, that’s all for now. The new egg wearer’s guide to rockin’ a rock. I’ll catch up with you in a few, with the advanced practitioner’s guide to rockin’ your world.